It's how life is
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Because they couldn't; they just couldn't do it. WK fic


There's nothing more difficult than to say goodbye and draw a line under someone. We need a lot of courage to leave the place and never come back between one's arms. We have to be crazy not to burst into cries. But that's life.

October.

She swallowed back her tears and slowly broke apart. Her face was still a few inches away from him but she was already missing the warmness of his lips. She had dreamed of them during too many nights. She shouldn't have left her feelings get control of her heart.

Her eyes followed the caress of her fingers against his cheek, a bitter smile accompanying the gesture. A sigh. She frowned, trying to keep in mind the least detail of his skin, his smell. This body she knew by heart, now.

Then she looked down and apologized. For the last time.

She left the building and turned on her right, walking under the gray sky. A shadow passed in her mind and a wave of nostalgia wrapped her soul. She leaned against a door and began to cry. The streets were calm, there was no one.

It was over, she had left Will behind. She came back to her mansion in The Upper East Side and took a bath. She would need time.

November.

She jumped of surprise when she saw a mug sliding towards her on the desk. She looked up at Grace standing in front of her, a warm smile on her face, behind a worried gaze. She gently shook her head and refused the beverage.

She stood up and went to the window, looking for an escape to the suffocating wave on her heart. She heard her friend sigh in her back but didn't open her mouth. The door got closed, she let a tear well up in her eyes. A single one.

Will was still in her mind, locked in her soul. He hadn't protested, just let her go away without saying anything. And break apart. For the last time.

Life had gone on but she had been put aside. She watched how the days succeeded to the nights, from outside. She had lost any hope and kept on breathing just to see his smile, no matter how hard it was every time.

Perhaps in a month...

December.

She had fallen asleep in Grace's arms. She would have loved so much to tell her how she appreciated all the efforts to back her up, even though it didn't work as a matter of fact. One day she would tell her why she had been wandering aimlessly through the corridors of her life. A pale ghost of a lonely past.

If only she managed to reach the surface and draw a line under her heart.

But Grace was nice, so nice, and didn't ask why the smiles on her face had vanished once and had never come back. She just took her in her arms and rocked her injured body until she plunged in the darkness of her dreams, lonely.

She had put an end to it as soon as she had kissed his lips. It's about a dead-end story where love isn't allowed because it's hard then when you have to leave. When life keeps on saying you shouldn't be with him.

It was too complicated to be with Will.

Let time take care of your soul.

January.

She turned on a side and brushed the pillow, some sadness in her eyes. She was living in the past, now. Spending her time in the memories of her heart. She forgot everything and remembered their nights, those days they shared together under the silence of their gaze.

She still could hear his laughters and feel his arms around her waist. She could shiver under the kisses he used to let on her skin. They were engraved on it like the reminiscence of her dreams, her fantasies.

She still loved him, hoplessly.

Karen isn't real, she's too unique for that. She smiled and cried remembering his words that night. Her difference remained in the fact she would have to live with a broken heart, now.

She missed his arms, his eyes, his hands, his lips. But still, Will would always remain in the past.

Like the good times.

February.

She looked down and stared blankly at the plate on the table. She was feeling dizzy and needed some fresh air. It was too noisy, too alive so that she stayed and enjoyed it. But she had promised and didn't want to disappoint him.

Jack is important to me.

She wasn't hungry, not even thirsty. Her throat sored too much to appreciate the meal and her cries on her heart were too loud to take part in the party. She had sighed and clenched her fists before getting off the limousine and joined the crowd inside. Their happiness was exhausting but she loosely managed to keep on pretending. For her Jackie.

She had sat down and bitten the inside of her lip when she had realized Will would sit just in front of her, as Jack had planned. He couldn't have guessed, she didn't blame him. The hours slowly vanished and she found herself surrounded by a ton of presents she didn't really need. She thanked everyone, politely.

And the birthday went on under Jack's stories and Grace's wishes. Joy blinds us with strength and makes the rest pass unnoticed. The evening ended without anyone seeing how she looked so sad. Like Will.

At least she felt less lonely.

But she was still waiting for something that would come and relieve her feelings.

March.

Excuse me.

She rushed outside and started running on the street. She stopped at the corner and slided along the wall, sitting down on the ground. The rain was pouring down, joining her silent tears on her pale cheeks. She leaned her head backwards and passed a hand on her hair, frowning under the pain. Why did it not want to leave her alone? Would she never come to forget him?

She hadn't stopped feeling guilty since the very beginning. She shouldn't have kissed him nor fallen for him. And so there wouldn't be any souvenir, any tear. Her smiles would light up her face and make her eyes shine brightly, as they had done, once. She wouldn't have any regret while looking at him.

And no matter, Will, no matter for the past and its good times.

She felt a hand on her wrist and looked down slowly. She didn't stop crying, it was all safe with Will. She scanned his eyes when he squatted down and sshe hook her head, bitterly. She had avoided this scene as she had tried to erase her feelings.

In vain.

She rushed in his arms and hold him tightly against her own body, plunging her head in his neck, her sobs joining his silently. She could feel the raindrops run on her back, coldly. And her heart begin to warm up against him.

She tightened her grip and sighed, heavily.

Pardon me.

There's nothing more impossible than to reject our feelings. No matter what they mean. Nobody said once that it would be easy. But when you heart starts beating, don't be afraid, take a deep breath. You can't help things happening.

That's life. It's how it is.


End file.
